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  I wanted to know why she died. He must have loved her greatly to be so sad now. I wanted to know, but I wouldn’t ask. Don’t get involved. Don’t get attached. No matter how attractive it might be. Later on, I would feel like shit when I left.

  “It’s very kind of you to lend them to me,” I said.

  He looked at me then, saw right into my soul. “You’re not used to much kindness. Are you?” It was a statement rather than a question.

  My cheeks heated. Normally I’d tell someone where to go, but coming from him, all I felt was ... shame. Words clogged in my throat, caught between wanting to justify myself and embarrassed that it was true.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  I clenched my fists on my thighs beneath the table, refusing to look at him. I wanted to change the subject, to anything but this.

  “Katia ...”

  “... I don’t want your pity,” I said.

  Gradually I made myself look right into his eyes. What I saw reflected there nearly undid me. I didn’t expect to see anyone look at me like he did right now. Like he understood. “I don’t pity you. I ... admire you.”

  I blinked, studying his serious face. He seemed to be so determined to make me believe it. I narrowed my eyes at him, suddenly angry at his kindness, this situation. It would have been better never having had it. “What do you want from me?”

  He paused, then shook his head. “Nothing.”

  “Everybody wants something. Especially from me. You saw what I did, and you want me to use it to help you somehow.” It’s the only way I could figure out why he was treating me like he was. Like I was a real-life person with feelings, not just as a means to an end.

  “Not everyone is like the people you’re used to dealing with.”

  “And what would you know about that?”

  “I saw your body. What people did to you. Marks like that leave an emotional scar, too, but somehow, you keep going. I saw you fight in that alley, but you looked like you didn’t want to. You fought as a last resort. And those men were much larger than you are. And ... I know what it’s like to be a victim. I also know you don’t believe a word I say so I’m not going to push it, except to say that there are people out of your realm of experience that do not hurt young, vulnerable women simply because they are easy to use and abuse. They help because they want to.”

  I wanted to believe him. I really did, but common sense and history had taught me the same lesson over and over again. People will tell you anything to get what they want from you. I’d wait for the crack. I knew it would show up sooner or later. It was only a matter of time.

  That was simply the way it was. That was life. I hadn’t expected anything to be different, and I didn’t want to think that the fault just might lay with me.

  Chapter Eight

  Julius picked up the empty bowls from the table. I watched as he started cleaning the dishes. The soup had made my stomach nice and warm and full, and I found I was quite content to watch him do such ordinary things. To me, ordinary was just fine.

  Julius glanced at me. “Would you like to rest?”

  I sat straighter, blinking away the lull of sleep that my full stomach had given me. “I want to be awake.”

  Julius paused. “I don’t profess to know how hard it is for you to be here, in this time, but I have something I think you’ll like and that will help you understand how things have changed.”

  “You have?” My interest was immediately piqued.

  He dried his hands, and before I knew it, he’d come to me, stood me up, and guided me into the living area. He settled me on the couch, opened a drawer, and took out a thin, white U-shaped headband. Various colored lights blinked within it.

  “This is a LearnX. I thought you might be interested in using it.” He set some switches on the side of the band, which changed the display of lights. “Do you feel up to giving it a go?”

  “What does it do?”

  “It helps fast-track large amounts of information into your mind and makes it very easy to assimilate the information into your memory. It vastly reduces the time it would take a normal person of average intelligence to learn. I don’t know how fast you’ll take information in, but it will help.”

  “There was never anything like this in my time. We had computers, iPads, but nothing to help us learn. We just used our plain old brains for that.” Not that I’d gone to a regular school, but I’d seen them on telly with Heather’s explanation after I’d escaped.

  I resettled on the couch, leaning forward. “I need to know everything that has happened over the past century. I need to learn how I can fit into this time.”

  “Okay. We’ll start slowly and see how you go.” He fitted the band to my head. It sat exactly like a headband for my hair would.

  Julius pressed the ends of the headband to suction on my temples. “You might feel a little lightheaded. It heightens your brain waves to be more susceptible to new information.”

  Julius retrieved a long, slim remote and pressed the side of it. A large blue rectangle of light appeared on the wall in front of me. A high resolution, intricate hologram. It enlarged into a dark blue shape, and the word LearnX morphed in the middle. Several smaller rectangles appeared below, one after the other.

  Julius moved his fingers in space in front of him. As he did, the colored rectangles slid around in sync with his movements. “You can change your topic like this, as well as the length of time you want to spend learning here. Where would you like to start? Politics? Social trends?”

  “Technology,” I answered.

  Over the next two hours, I learned how magnetic-gravity was conceived and the further developments it enabled. It basically saved the world from killing itself with the use of fossil fuels by using a cost-effective clean energy instead. Everything was based on it now. Cars, computers, cooking. I flashed through the major news reports, year by year, learning how humanity had grown and changed.

  I went through the history of the twenty-first century, although ironically that would have been my future: current affairs, advances in mathematics and science, computer technology, music, entertainment, business, finance, government affairs, and geology. The world was a far different place from when I had left it.

  My mind buzzed with new information as it was assimilated into my brain. I could almost feel new neuron pathways being built, unused sections of my brain stirring to life. I could recall everything with ease and in detail.

  Next, I selected “medicine.” A light buzzing started at my temples. I watched images flash across the huge screen on the wall, again amazed that this device could aid me to take in any information I wanted in a matter of nanoseconds. Somehow, my brain was able to retain and process information in a colossal capacity.

  The information on screen grew more detailed. I processed highly technical research papers. I kept my eyes open, not blinking, should I miss out on any vital information that I might be able to use. My mind buzzed. It was exhilarating to indulge in this kind of detail. Although I couldn’t fully understand, I was fascinated with the area of medicine it covered. New technology had borne life-saving techniques unfamiliar to me, unimaginable to me a century before.

  Then the data took an unexpected turn. I was learning about cutting-edge technology, new even for this time. My brain buzzed. A small section caught my attention. Sleep therapy. Regeneration of the body when under a special type of sedation. I rewound the introduction. I thought I’d made a mistake, but no, Julius was the author. I wanted to proceed when Julius appeared and placed a tray of food on my lap.

  He smiled, and I was drawn in by the brightness of his eyes. There was a comfort there that would be all too easy to accept. Comfort that called to me like the greatest temptation.

  There was another tray for himself. I realized he was going to eat with me. A flutter of surprise caressed my heart.

  “You’ve been at this for hours. Time to give your brain a rest,” Julius said.

  “I don’t want to rest.
I want to learn it all.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Surely you must be tired. Learning this way is draining on the mind.”

  “I’m fine. In fact, I can recall everything I’ve seen.” I felt clearheaded and enthusiastic, ready for more.

  Julius surveyed the screen. “You’ve gone through all the technology units already?”

  I nodded. “I can tell you all about it.”

  He frowned and asked me several question, all of which I answered without hesitation. He looked at me thoughtfully. “That’s quite amazing. Most people don’t make it half as far.”

  “I was up to sleep therapy.”

  His brows rose. “That is a very specialized topic. Did you do the entry subjects first?”

  “Yes. All of them.” I listed the other topics I had stuffed into my brain, recalling several details as I went.

  “The human race must be so much more intelligent to be able to learn this way, “I said.

  He shook his head. “Not really. I told you it is a faster way of receiving information. It still takes intelligence to remember everything. The amount of information people remember hasn’t changed since your day. Most people have to repeat listening to retain it, and even then, people need to revise after a time. But you’re the first I’ve seen take in so much in one sitting. Maybe this is because of the way your mind works. Amazing. So advanced ...”

  “I just want to learn. I want to fit in.”

  The change in him was subtle. He leaned a little toward me, silently watching me. It was a moment that didn’t demand, didn’t need. A connection where I felt ... cared for. Accepted. My heart stirred, fluttering with tiny sparks that made me feel light inside.

  “You are a remarkable woman. I don’t doubt you can do whatever it is you want to do.” His stare was intent, his tone low and serious. For long moments, I just watched him.

  “Well, I need to learn about these things. I feel like a dinosaur.” I was going to sit here all night and learn about everything I could while I was still here.

  “If you’re so determined, you need to eat. And I don’t think you’re a dinosaur.”

  Julius handed me a fork and pointed to the food on my plate. A flavorsome aroma floated into my nostrils, and my stomach immediately rumbled. I saw his mouth twitch as I tried to ignore it.

  Julius watched me as I ate. We spoke about little things. Music. Food. I realized that I liked hearing him talk. Tension melted away, slowly, until I didn’t even think about where I was or how I got here. I was enjoying a quiet moment. He was easy to listen to, nice to hear his thoughts and opinions. The little I offered back, he accepted.

  I’d never had a friend, apart from Heather, but I’d never done this. I’d certainly never opened up to any man. In fact, I’d steered clear of them. I’d never trusted them. Seen many women fall prey to them. Raped. Used. I’d used them as physically as they seemed to use women. It had never occurred to me that it could be—like this. That it could make me feel as though I was valued. That my thoughts and opinions were worth listening to. I wasn’t used to men wanting to spend time with me except on the most basic of levels.

  But this, now, with Julius, was different. I wanted him to talk to me, and I wanted to talk to him. He was interesting. He set me at an ease I’d never known I could ever feel with a man. Maybe it was his gentleness. His understanding. His patience.

  He made me feel that in these precious moments, I didn’t have a gift. I couldn’t do extraordinary things. I was just ... me. That he actually liked me. And ... and ... I liked him back. Little alarm bells rang, but I mentally pushed them to the side. This was a moment I had never had, and I was going to enjoy it. Just for now. Just this once.

  “I was going to read your papers next,” I added, more than a little shy.

  “You’ve been through all the medical tutorials. You’re just about a fully fledged doctor now.”

  I couldn’t help but grin at his joke. “Well, you should be a chef, not a doctor. This meal is delicious.”

  “Thank you. I think.”

  “I mean it. After what I used to eat on the streets, this is five-star.”

  “What did you usually eat?” he asked me quietly.

  I slowly put my fork onto the plate. I didn’t want to think about being so hungry my stomach would turn itself inside out. Think about stealing snippets of rubbish from the back of restaurants to alleviate the agony of hunger. “Whatever I found.”

  “Katia.”

  I looked up, startled. I hadn’t heard my name said quite that way before. It was no more than a whisper. There was a poignancy that made me slip into his eyes and see beyond my circumstances. I realized with a jolt, he was shocked. “It’s okay. I’ve survived.”

  I felt his velvet eyes on me, assessing me. Melting into me, and I absorbed every precious moment. A yearning ache stirred within me, a need to be touched and held, but only by him. Only him.

  It had been a long time since I had sought comfort in a man’s arms, but I had never felt this way. There were a few one-night stands, borne of desperation when I couldn’t deal with spending another lonely night by myself. They came from the most basic of physical needs, and the fleeting moment of release was short-lived.

  I would leave as soon as the stranger fell asleep, alone, empty, and scared that if I dared to stay, I would draw him in danger.

  I had to stifle my urge. This was no time to be attracted to any man, let alone Julius. Survival mode clicked in automatically, and I ignored the growing sense of awareness that licked my belly like fire, shoved it into that black hole where I buried everything else.

  “The photo in your bedroom. Is that ... your wife?” That certainly was one way to end whatever it was that had begun. He withdrew, putting his tray onto the coffee table in front of us and sitting back into the corner of the couch.

  “Yes. That’s her.” His voice cracked, and I was almost apologetic that I had brought her up, but I wanted—needed—to know about her. She’d been important to him. He’d clearly been in love with her given his state of grief now.

  “She’s very pretty,” I whispered. A twinge of jealousy hit me right in the gut. But why wouldn’t she be pretty? Julius was—if I had to find the words—utterly gorgeous. And understanding. And caring. Why wouldn’t he have a beautiful wife?

  “She was. We studied together.”

  “You’re both doctors?”

  He nodded. “She started working with me on the research papers you were reading. She was much more intelligent than I was, seemed to connect into things easily, while I had to study hard to keep up with her.”

  “If you don’t want to talk about her, I understand,” I said.

  He glanced at me, his shoulders drooping. “To tell you the truth, it’s been a while since I’ve spoken about her with anybody. It ... it’s okay. It feels ... good ... in a way. A release.”

  “You loved her.”

  His eyes darkened. A shadow passed across his face as his jaw clenched. “I did.”

  I licked my lips. “How did ... how did she ... ?”

  “Car accident. Our daughter died with her.” The little pink bedroom. It looked as though it was still set up for her. I’d never thought it was there because he couldn’t find it in his heart to tear it down. It was one way of keeping her alive.

  My eyes flew to his. My heart squeezed hard, tortured, my mind going to the picture of the little girl in the photograph. A sick wave broke over me. Not that little girl, not such a beautiful, innocent little girl. An innocent child. Dead. A mother who loved her. Dead. Was everything that was good meant to die? I could understand why he’d turn the photograph over. It would be simply too painful to wake up and see her, knowing she wasn’t here anymore.

  “Tell me they had a good life before they died, Julius. Tell me they didn’t suffer. Even for a second. Tell me ... just tell me they were happy.”

  Moments passed. A wave of loss engulfed me. Maybe I’d seen myself in that little girl. Or the
little girl I wished I’d been. I don’t know. Maybe it was because they were an extension of Julius, and he had been kind to me. All I knew was that I felt such a sadness it seemed as though my soul was dripping and heavy with it.

  I glanced at him when the silence drew on. I wish I hadn’t seen that desolate look in his eyes or the agonizing pain that was etched into the lines around his downturned mouth. I saw him reliving that memory that was seared into his mind. That moment when he was told they’d been taken away from him.

  I knew that pain. I’d lived it myself.

  “They didn’t,” he whispered.

  He caught my gaze, and I wish that he hadn’t. I wished he hadn’t seen that I knew how he felt. I wish we’d never had that moment of connection. And I wish he hadn’t seen the knowing and understanding I felt because he’d lost those he loved. He saw me when I wished it had never happened to him, that his wife and child were still alive and he lived in perfect bliss, free of the devastating pain that death of those close to you brought.

  I wish I’d not seen the moment he understood how I felt. Because it was a moment that was binding, that only those who lived with that intense, intimate pain would recognize in another.

  That was the moment I tilted on a precipice I had no wish to be anywhere near. That guarded place in my heart that I had hardened. I didn’t want anyone near that place again. That was the place where people I let in could be used against me. That was the place where I could be hurt. Where they could be hurt. Because for a selfish moment, I’d let my guard down and I’d let myself be drawn to him.

  I was angry with myself. With my dammed curiosity. I’d asked and he’d answered, and in those few questions, that little amount of time, I’d carelessly given a chip of my heart. I cared. About him, his dead wife, and daughter.

  And damn if that didn’t leave me with a weakness. I’d cut out my tongue if I could gain those few seconds back. But I couldn’t. I’d just have to guard myself more and be bloody careful doing it.